engraved anxiety …

click the thumbnails, to see the pictures full size …

I know there is a stress.
It’s about the unknown …
What is going to happen now?

Crazy parents — good people!
But they imprinted stress …
A kind of psycho terror.

99% (perhaps more)
of the population is like that …

Emotional blackmail, for talking back,
or for saying something very stupid.

I never knew what they were going to be:
normal again, or still crazy?
and how long it would take
to be in a normal situation again.

… and sure, I was naughty, in those days,
… I should have been when eight years old.

But now,
I wonder
whether or how
loved ones are going to take revenge
after my ‘mistakes’, …

What mistake?
Communication …
A wrong word, a wrong discussion,

some truths can be hard to swallow
when served on a hot plate …

And then I die from stress,
that something nasty is going to happen.

But loved ones are not my parents,
— although the waiting
to be in a normal situation again
is sometimes felt comparable.

But my imprinted stress
is the same,
as forty years ago,
regardless.

… that stress, my stress,
is the worst punishment.

Strange as it might be,
I am the one
doing that
to myself.


Pictures by bvdb (whoisbert) january 2014 – @home – Canon Ixus HS230 – IMG 5662-5872-5909-5359

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22 thoughts on “engraved anxiety …

  1. 🙂 🙂 Only a couple of hours ago I posted this Tweet:
    High emotions in excess create neuroses so it is not surprising that so much mental illness has beset the western world.

  2. There are so many layers of imprinting in our bodies. Mindfully releasing negative emotional charges at work was much easier for me than the tangled webs of family relationships!

    • That is true. Work relationships don’t go deep. Most of us don’t take it home longer than an evening. Closer around us, and it becomes more difficult. Those who raised us, are in our blood and in our subconsciousness. Ram Dass is sometimes quoted saying: “If you think you’re enlightened go spend a week with your family.”

  3. Yes, that is a great way to put it. Anxiety is engraved on our psyches if we are one of those high-strung ones. Not everybody is. My best friend is almost totally non-anxious. How we got to be friends I don’t know. We live in two different worlds. My husband is slightly less anxious than I am. Slightly…

    • I see that my father was/is quite neurotic. And my mother suffered from an ulcer … The source of my anxiety is clear. But only now it is surfacing within my consciousness. This in itself is good. Tagging and becoming aware of its presence, is one step towards understanding and containment.
      From the outside, one would never know I feel this anxiety. I seem to be very self-confident. But, that is only keeping up appearances … and two years ago, I wasn’t even aware I was keeping up these appearances. Hidden demons … now coming into the light.

      • Oh those hidden demons!! I am glad you are recognizing what is what. That’s half the battle. Always interesting posts, Bert! Wishing you a reprieve from anxiety. I think many suffer this. Here in the states there is a rise in Heroin use. Many causes but anxiety must play a big role.

  4. I related to and felt every bit of emotion in your words Bert! This is a very awesome poem my brother thanks for sharing…you hit the nail on the head with its message! God bless you my brother!I

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