click the thumbnails, to enjoy the pictures full size …
There was this proud young boy.
They told him that he was gifted.
And he felt proud for being special.
But slowly, over the years, something made him unhappy. It was difficult to point out what exactly. From the age of 8, he noticed that what interested him, didn’t seem to interest most people, not even his parents. They focussed on good points at school, and started asking that horrible question: ‘What do you do want to do, later, when you grow up?’
And he didn’t know.
He wanted to play
with the stars in the sky,
and ride the tractors
of his friend’s father,
on the field, (he already did 🙂 )
and tinker with broken TV-sets.
Grammar school was OK, but from 7th grade onwards, he felt he didn’t belong. They were preparing him for society, and he didn’t want to be prepared. They said he’d need an income of his own, soon, … and would have to go to university and get a diploma.
And he had to give in.
And his pride forced him to be good,
in someone else’s shoes.
But he couldn’t be good enough.
This simply were not his values. Pressure from family, and peers who were pressured by their own family, to fit in, made his heart cry. He could only be mediocre in these shoes, and that hurt his pride a lot.
Quick and temporary fixes are most often applied to forget this kind of pain.
There are many temporary fixes like kicks, being addicted to those kicks, addiction to substances, obsessions, needy relationships, hunger for money and power, and even the greedy escape in the books, … However, depression and anxiety are always on the brink. The hurt comes back whenever we are not busy fixing the putrid wound, specially when bored, alone or impatient.
We forget to do something about our pride,
that causes our mental self to feel hurt.
We forget to do something about the conflict
between ‘being a nice member of society’
and ‘following your creativity and dreams’.
To free ourselves from mental pride,
we need to get to know our mental self …
Meditation and self reflection are part of this,
and certain counsellors also do help.
The layers of imprinted ‘how to be a good member of society’
will come within view, one day,
while that search for the self is going on.
Then they can be replaced by our own values.
(much) later perhaps, by the open acceptance of not knowing…
While on this road of self discovery,
one will discover
healthy ways of being creative
healthy ways of dealing with impatience
healthy ways of dealing with boredom.
And silence and being alone
will become a source of joy …
… and then … just ‘being’ … will be enough