Helplessness is the ground state. We are born helpless. However, most of us are taken care off as a baby. (unfortunately, some are not). Babies don’t feel too proud to ask for help. They cry as long as necessary.
But soon caretakers start to give us ‘independence’. A conflict in the making. Sometimes as a child, we want to do things ourselves, and are not always allowed to, and sometimes we want help, and we are told to do the task ourselves. Feeling helpless then becomes a source of frustration, irritation, anger. Not being able to do what we want is another type of helplessness and equally a source of frustration.
When we feel helpless later in our life as an adult, the care takers are most often not available. Moreover, our history with them often makes us afraid to tell them what we feel. Any time they told us ‘I told you so’, or whenever they gave us another reaction that we interpreted as painful, a distance was created and more communication lines were cut.
So we feel afraid, even too proud to ask for help. And we continue to feel helpless. And our reluctance to ask for help, thus becomes just another (or is it all the same) source of frustration. Often we can’t even admit that we need help.
(to be continued)