two feet under water …

Sea anemone: it could hurt me if I come too close, but it fears me so much more ...

Beadlet Anemone: it could hurt me if I come too close, but it fears me so much more …

(click the picture to enlarge)

Right now my two feet are in the deep blue sea

two feet below the surface

I fear the unknown below

as much as

they fear the unknown from above

.

my fear has led to so much anger,

anger anger anger

not repressed

neither followed

written down

in stead of swallowed

.

written down the stories,

leading to more stories

the writing process a release

not so innocent in the psychic world

but harmless in the physical realms

.

Right Now there’s no more anger

there is immersion

there is action

there is doing

.

From al this

I learned …
.

ten letters to myself

from my anger

to whoever

I happen to be

whenever

I re-read


Pictures by bvdb (whoisbert) August 2013 – @North Sea – Cap Griz Nez(F) – Canon Ixus HS230 – IMG 4270

Advertisements

22 thoughts on “two feet under water …

  1. Hope the time’s gone, Bert! No matter how much I enjoyed this post, I prayed it wasn’t true. But reading your previous comments, it seems it was!

  2. Yeah, writing is a good expurgator– for many things. I used it to get through a lengthy breakdown. So much better than saying things that will hurt. Good for you, Bert! I know it is not easy.

  3. Better it is words, not even spoken aloud. Anger should have purpose, to provoke change, fast and dissolving quickly. It makes a point that can’t be easily ignored. When anger is a habitual response – oh I know that one all too well, when my boy’s boredom turns to “can we get a rise out of mom, just to make some excitement, in our lives ?”. Can’t say I’m a total master in that regard, though I do better than I used to do; and I “see” the game quite quickly now.

    Just peeking in personally; because this blog was too good, not to visit (read it first in the notification . . .). My highest regards.

    • Hi Deb, thank you for visiting and for your great comment.
      The anger I have felt in a project I’m still working on today and tomorrow 🙂 has now subsided. It had to, or I couldn’t be there. However, this has been a different kind of anger: one of utter frustration and powerlessness by having been thrown in an unwanted and unexpected situation. And also to my own stupidity. It is not the habitual kind of anger that passes within hours. But I will write extensively about it in the coming weeks. 🙂

      • What interests me in this share is the experience of “unwanted, unexpected and thrown in”. How many times in my life have I perceived this to be what was happening which later, at the end of observation, I realized were just thoughts I assigned to what was happening so that that CHOSEN meaning structure could fuel feeling certain things (and what just was to be found as events in my flow of life, I suspect is always completely orchestrated and specifically custom designed for me to see something about myself and the way I perceive and interact in the world around me. When my first filter is always the choice to see that everything in my life happens for my good and for my growth, this changed my relationship within my experiences to the place that there is now not ever the possibility of unwanted, unexpected or thrown in).

        I DO NOT recommend visiting this potential way for seeing and understanding what is occurring to begin to be questioned and applied in the middle of the actual moments of physically feeling the anger (this used to just amplify my feelings then also aiming new anger at the neutrality of the observer in me as well -lol). However, for me, doing this as close to the event as I could was one of the first steps of making me aware of how my thoughts about what was happening was what was really constructing my experience (not the events themselves at this level of understanding, but my way of chosen meaning creating the experience of the events) and how I had complete and ONE HUNDRED % control over the descriptive words I assigned in meaning to them which births emotion.

        Is unexpected, unwanted and thrown in honestly really any more valid and real than seeing what happens as expected, wanted and anticipated for growth? What happens in any experience when we shift the foundational meaning of that experience being present in the flow of our life story to begin with to something that is expanding rather than contracting?! Growing rather than punishing? In my control rather than outside?

        Love the personal nature of your share of feelings in your writing here and the deeper contemplations that this births. Great post Bert! -x.M

        • Who does the ‘not wanting’? It is the ‘I’ that i identify with
          What is flowing? The universe around, or me inside it?
          Who is understanding? ‘the unknowing’ is not, it doesn’t care.
          Where does the anger arise? It arises always out of fear, in the case of this post, secondary fear. Do I identify with the fear, or the anger? My mind wants to make the story of the anger. It would like to control, even repress the fear while doing so.
          Could the fear have been avoided? Yes, Love could have replaced it.
          Could the anger have been replaced if the fear couldn’t be avoided? Yes, the mind shouldn’t have made the stories.
          What happened to the stories? They were not really believed in. Metacognition pointed out there uncertain nature, so they were written down.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s