… forlorn emotions …

there is a vulture in my head, feeding on my own emotions

there is a vulture in my head, feeding on my own emotions

Emotions are fleeting …

The 3 year old weeps for 3 minutes,
then continues to play

My emotions are ingested
by my mental activity:
Sad after a fight,
Dark thoughts
Fear lingers
Stories

Turning into mental pain
I want to end this pain
I hear nothing but
circular thinking,

fed by pain
and fear

the original emotion long gone

To ease the pain,
mind creates options:

* blame someone and
reduce or finish all encounters

* blame the universe: nihilism
the universe must be empty
nothing but matter and
measurable energy
no Supernatural
no Love

zero

But to really remove
the source of the pain,

mind has to break the circle
and stop the ‘creative’ storytelling

Mind doesn’t know it is the source
even when Silence tells it this truth.

Mind  conceptualizes what it learns,
but how on earth is it going to stop
its own endless chatting and whining?
How is it going to annihilate itself?
Where would it find the courage?

Mind does not have an OFF button to itself.

But awe, beauty and even sleep,
all bring the power
of
speechlessness

A small step into Silence,

A great step into breaking the circle

that was once started …

… by a long ago forgotten emotion.


Pictures by bvdb (whoisbert) July 2013 – @La-Roche(B) – Canon ixus HS230 – IMG_4126

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29 thoughts on “… forlorn emotions …

  1. Forlorn, such an interesting word that lingers somewhere between desolate and despondent, somewhere between lost and lonely … somewhere where vultures are feeding on fear and desperate hope for discovery.

    Best Wishes
    Daniela

    • … a long time ago, Dutch and English had a lot of common words. Forlorn is one of those words remaining in common after more than 1000 years of separation. I sometimes like to use these old words: it brings a creativity to the reader, trying to interpret what forlorn really means in the writer’s head.

  2. the mind is powerful indeed but I believe we in our entirety are more powerful to bring about the changes we need to move away from negative thoughts

    …time…patience and self belief I think.

    • It is the mental mind that wants to take 100% identity of the entirety, wherein it certainly has its role, but within the right limits. Limitless, as within som many in our time, our own mental mind can become our greatest enemy.
      Real patience is a great gift.

  3. What a wonderful real time, arresting capture to my inner ear as well as my outer eyes! I had a funny experience yesterday of the beginning of a forlorn thought even in the midst of a busy day and I bookmarked it, haha, and returned to the present moment. I realized I had said to the thought – I will be back later to explore you – just like I do on my computer. And by doing so, that thought walked on through and never needed a revisit. I do so appreciate your ability to capture the inner landscapes we all share!

    • … great scheduler you have in your brain. Mine doesn’t work that well. Unless of course, it forgets the useless things, and the important things will re-announce themselves anyway, hopefully not in the shape of a bailiff :-). Yesterday night I heard a blog post in my brain, and I had to write – if I don’t, the words are gone. Then the ideas remain but that moment of inspiration is gone. I often use the memo function of my mobile phone these days to capture ‘things to do later’ and to continue whatever I need to do.

    • Sometimes the first step is mind becoming aware of what it is doing. Then mind is stuck. In my case, how to break free of the (circular) thinking of the narrow mind. Awe is then the trick by Spirit or Silence to shut up the mind.
      Most of the time “awe” is the first and only step.

        • It is the “WoW” experience, although I’m sure this is not an adequate description, since it means different things to different people.
          It starts from an experience that you are experiencing. A beautiful sound/sight, a childhood smell or taste, a squirrel jumping on your head unexpectedly and staying there longer than it is supposed to (whatever that is) :-).
          Perhaps wonder, but even wonder is not there. Wonder starts it, but wonder leaves. There is no fear in that realm. You are in the moment, there is no wall around you only freedom. You are only passively registering, memory is not there.
          Speechless, a moment, that can last for minutes even up to an hour, perhaps even longer. Mind cannot contain that, mind is gone. Freedom of thought – thought is gone. Opinion is gone – only awe.

          • My compliments to you on your ability to be aware of all these aspects of an experience and to express them as you have done 🙂

  4. Beautiful –
    “A small step into Silence,
    A great step into breaking the circle
    that was once started …”
    I hope the “forlorn” part isn’t too overpowering.

    Fondly,
    Deb

    • Always great to see you. The ‘forlorn’ part is always overpowering, the question is always: ‘For how long?’ Minutes, Hours or Days. If it wasn’t overpowering, or if it was only minutes, there wouldn’t be a problem.

  5. This is totally beautiful, Bert! A lovely post. I wish the mind did have an off button. Especially when it comes to hurts and the like. Just curious, did you take that picture of the vulture? I have heard that turkey vultures, when threatened, projectile vomit on the supposed predator– so watch out!!

  6. Forlorn, what a great word that goes a long way toward helping capture the texture of that feeling grouping. It hangs out in the camp with glum, desolate, morose, despondent and disheartened… all wonderful stops along the path when truly allowing living.

    Honestly being willing to feel these textures as they have arisen has taught me about what can happen as I present and am willing to witness my self and my responses in the world. It has facilitated the development of a deep compassion, for myself and for others. Being OK with not being OK is such a wonderful first step to being OK

    Sitting in fear and having a party with my self pity… yes, yes this has been part of many late night snacking often leading into brunch and many an early dinner.

    Great share Bert! -x.M

    (there was a good quote on similar vain on Awake in 365 today… don’t know if you visit there or not so will link just in case http://awakein365days.com/2013/08/09/feel-the-burn/ )

    • thank you. Forlorn is indeed a wonderful word. I didn’t know about ‘morose’ 🙂 although I have been ‘magister morum’ at times leading to chaotic situations. Feeling alone, is one of those mind stories we have to live with our entire life. But if we know how relative this feeling is, we will feel less forlorn in this at those times god forgotten world.
      My mind strongly rejects the nights without sleep, although more than 100 must have been lived through in the past 10 years. I one can cancel appointments the next day, it is not that bad. The head aches excluded.

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