I noticed over the years that friends don’t remain friends forever, although I know some of them as long as I live, the frequency of seeing them has declined radically. And some/(many?) friendships also do end.
Making friends is a long process for me. Real friends who come and visit and invite me to be myself, are a rare gem and a treasure. About once every 5 years, this happens.
Internet friendships are of a different nature. These long distance encounters allow us indeed to be ourselves, but the feedback is different, and drinking a cup of coffee together, just being there for no other purpose as to be there together in the freedom to be yourself, is not really possible. I don’t want to minimize internet friendships, far from, but they are different, and more volatile, although there are many exceptions too. And of course, they can, and sometimes do lead, to a cup of coffee.
Something happens when you are in the same room with someone,
listening to each other’s voices,
talking about nothing,
and listening to
the longer silences
A chatroom, even with a webcam doesn’t have this ‘magic’, at least not for me.
The webcam and the chatroom is always focussed,
while being in a living room together with someone,
there is no need to focus at all.
It is this unfocussed space, when talking has become superfluous.
There is the physical feeling of being together just meters apart.
This creates an intimacy far beyond words.
Once you have that, the telephone or the internet can temporarily fill the void.
But e-communication can not replace this togetherness.
I think that once you have come to the level of sharing silences, on the internet we forget to e-mail, and we stop chatting.
The world beyond words is difficult to find on an internet: full of words, search terms, chatter and twitter,
or the never ending ventilating of opinions on facebook or, what i’m doing right now, on wordpress. 🙂
And yes, in the real world,
when silences arise more frequently,
many of us interpret that as an end of friendship,
an end of interest.
While exactly the opposite is true.
Frequent silent visits do not bore,
they are the communication
on that field that Rumi talked about: