nobody loves you

daslookPerhaps the worst feeling?
Usually this sentence is uttered in the first person singular.
Regularly by myself: “Nobody loves me on this Earth”

triggers

It can be triggered by the least remark, mishap, …
It is in the air, before it breaks open, like an ulcer.
It has been in the unconscious, building up.
Perhaps many sadnesses, neither of them expressed, coagulate.
A bit like the mechanism behind anger?

Those triggering, have no idea why the reaction is so out of proportion.

When it is just something happening around me that is the trigger, I have no idea why this small thing has such an impact.

making things worse

And then there is another person around who asks: “Is there something wrong?”
And you know they will never understand. (Although they might – and you don’t).
“I’m on my island, leave me alone in my sad little world.”

the easy way out

Sometimes a good night of sleep removes the mood.
Often being in the work, one forgets the mood.
A silent hug, sometimes a miracle,
Sometimes unwelcome.
But don’t give up on me.
I’m now a sad and angry closed oyster.
Please try again,
Perhaps in half an hour,
Perhaps tomorrow.

moods or depression

In my case, moods, just moods. A bad mood is something that lasts half a day, highest a week. You forget the mood and it is gone. One morning you wake up and you have forgotten it was there. After work you remember you had been in a mood earlier that day, but now this is past.

Depression goes deeper. Takes much longer. In depression I don’t want to feel anything anymore. I want to be numb and sleep. I don’t want to interact or go to work. And so a circle starts.

Because being in the flow, awe or inspiration could get me out. But if I’m numb, I don’t see those things. I’m too closed to see them. I don’t want to see them. They are all fake in my distorted perspective.

If you are in a depression, it is time to look for help. This article is only about moods.

mind

nobody loves me is a concept.
It is a core concept, but there are others.
Like my life is useless.

These sentences are repeated again and again in the mind. Mental efforts.

The emotion is sadness, but the emotion just is. The emotion without the mind would flip out of existence after half an hour.

The mind changes sadness into loss of happiness and starts grieving about it.

‘Look what you’ve done to me’ is another trick of the mind: the blame game. Anger is now just around the corner when blaming others for your own mood. And this can even grow into emotional blackmail, if you don’t watch out.

The moment you see your mind at work in your moods, that moment you are out of it. The moment might be very short lived for the deeper moods, but being out can be repeated again. If you repeat being out enough, things change and remain different.

Advertisements

20 thoughts on “nobody loves you

  1. My self talk is why would someone love me. Then the negative really flows, I become tired and very depressed. Once I can get to a place where I can love myself I will have a break through.. I just have to get there.

    • … we have to silence the mind to get somewhere. Well most of the time it is quiet by itself at one or the other moment, and then we have moved away from that dark place.

  2. Very often, perhaps usually, when one gets up from sleep in an unaccountable bad mood the reason is a bad dream experienced just before awakening and then forgotten. Because I remember my dreams I notice this.

  3. Very brave and honest post which I appreciate you addressing. Having a mood disorder, being Bipolar, low moods are the status quo but there are also highs. It has taken me 6 decades to learn that these are cycles and will end. That is the key. “This, too, shall pass.”

    Sometimes when way down low it seems as if it is permanent and that is dangerous depression but you are not writing about that. Everything is flux, constantly changing, even the cells in our bodies. All we can do is hope when we are hopeless that those loved ones as you say, will not give up on us no matter how prickly we can be at times. Thanks for posting this instructive post on mood.

    • I also have/had the highs, although I have the impression that the children limit the levels, the highs as well as the lows. So for DSM4 I wouldn’t be diagnosed. DSM5 would definitely find something (many things) wrong with me 🙂
      I think I hit depression levels during the eighties. Difficult to remember the numbness. Memory stops working then too.

  4. The point is well taken that the mood “just is.” I think loving the self is by far the most important thing. For then it does seem we attract love from all corners of the world. At least that’s my experience. Life itself “just is.” It’s what we make of it that colors our personal world. Observing the passing of so many I love and have known these days, this fact is starkly realized, over and over again. People just keep on a-movin’ … cars rushing by, shoppers filling streets, birds soaring overhead, dolphins jumping in the ocean. Nothing pauses to acknowledge my losses; only I do. Which is significant, at least to me – that I take the time to honor; to breathe, to appreciate the quality of the air, to love, to nurture what yet lives on this amazing planet, be it animal (including human animals), vegetable or mineral.

    Sometimes I do feel as though I’m not contributing enough, but with so many places to share my energies, I never feel as though my life is useless. I do wonder about carbon footprints and such perhaps overly at times, so I continue trying to make a positive impact wherever I can.

    Love that you are so open about your feelings, Bert. I often share your posts with my FB audience, because I know it helps other men especially to recognize it’s okay to feel and share their sometimes-conflicted feelings. Blessings to you.

    • Letting go of the thoughts of not feeling loved. Thoughts of fear. Because we don’t actually believe yet what we say at that moment. We hope there is still someone on earth who might understand all our ways of thinking. Which is of course the most utter nonsense imaginable. So it is not the love, but the fear of not being loved and being hurt for not finding a mirror of opinion.

      I see them announced in the local newspaper. People of barely fifty. Sometimes even younger, my age. A moment of silence because we recognize ourselves. We could be in that newspaper too, next week, next year, who knows.
      Making time for introspection and contemplation is so easily forgotten in our societies. And most see meditation still as something for travellers who came brainwashed from the east (although in Hawaii they come from the west 🙂 ) or even worse. But slowly change is taking place. Yoga has been on the rise in the past 50 years.

      Taking time is so important, and so forbidden. We have to send our children on Saturdays and Sundays to one or the other activity, or we are not on par. We have to go out at least twice a month or we are not on par. And all that time is taken away from us.
      We get a holiday, and then we spend it in lines waiting for a plane, a taxi, a rent-a-car ,,,

      Pleased to hear you share on FB where I don’t have an account. The private dictatorship of SuckerBurg. But mostly nice people there.

      It feels easy to share feeling on the blog. By contrast, it is not that easy to do so in a conversation.

      Love and Light

  5. Well put. The expectation that people ‘should’ love me, will lead to disappointment. To then flip it around, and reason that even if someone loves me, I can still use the phrase to verbalize disappointment. Or sadness. Or anger. Or anything I can connect to it.

        • The mind lives in relative reality, which is dual by mind’s nature. What is evil? Everything that gives mental-self less ‘power’, ‘money’, ‘love’.
          Make mind silent, and you will see more reality, but still nothing absolute. You will not be able to grasp it like mind does. Is there still a ‘you’ there?
          We have to accept earthquakes and mad people causing destruction. Whether on a relative level or on an absolute level.
          Not accepting is mental. Causes duality and resistance and fighting.
          Accepting does not mean not to take action.

          • At the root level there is the reality of survival (regardless of the fittest). It does not matter if there is love, as long as we can survive. Many people live that way, and it is their reality. They do not love, they are busy surviving. And the way they do it may seem ‘evil’, as opposed to those who live the reality of embracing a loving family at the sacral level. But, the selfish way of people only embracing their own small family, may seem ‘evil’ to people who support a bigger community. On and on. Every level has its reality, and the mind adapts. When a level is outgrown, it might seem like ‘nobody loves me’, but it might simply be a signal to move on. Next level. Next reality. Until the edge of the mind. Where the mind can no longer help to uplift, and the mind itself is ‘evil’ to the further journey. But, this is not taking into consideration the people who cause earthquakes and blow up levees to control populations. That type of ‘evil’ cannot uplift itself.
            I just realized that the mind IS silent. All I have to do is listen…

            • Yes, but now you split relative reality into 10 or even more levels. Still, whatever chakra level you are in, if it makes your ‘power’ grow, it is seen as good, and the opposite is seen as evil.

            • Did I split it? Wow. How powerful! But, that is exactly the point. To look further. To know that whatever reality seems right now, there is always more until there is no more. Or does that make powerless? Always seeing more steps appear.
              I would say that people who grow in ‘evil’ – according to others – think that they are growing in the same way as people who grow towards liberation – according to themselves. But, I like the way you put it. It shows that as the power of ‘evil’ grows, it is seen by most or some (?) as good. And that is why it seems almost pointless to fight ‘evil’. It will only grow stronger in the fight. The child holding the knife and refusing to let go, will get convinced that it is a good thing. So, more relative reality. 🙂

            • Suppose you are of the 11th level.
              Evil is that your universe will be destroyed.
              What about the other universe craving for space.
              Perhaps there is a moment when there are no more levels, absolutely.
              Perhaps there is a moment when there is no more duality.
              That moment is always eternally now

            • Yes. And in that absolute moment, the levels of that higher universe appear. No longer within one mind, but the universal mind. I am eager to go home… but I may not be ready yet. How about: you may only get ‘home’ when nobody loves you?

  6. i find words in the head or spoken out loud to be very powerful ; so sticking to positive ones when the mood is flagging can help….or at least avoiding the negative ones..and if today stays grey then tomorrow will bring something new.

    • Many similar thoughts will indeed amplify each other into an opinion or a conviction. Positive affirmations are based on this knowledge, although I think they’re effect is almost as bad as the negative ones, blinding from reality. Avoiding the negative ones, and unlearning what has been created in the past … a long way to go. every morning there is indeed something new.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s