insignificant

insignificant
Feeling small and insignificant. A ground state. We are insignificant. A sad perspective. Just that. Change perspective and we are not at all insignificant. Silence a lonely purpose? Silence the only purpose? Is there a need for purpose?

Why do we all feel so utterly alone now and then? Why do we expect so much from a relationship?
At first: “you are the first person in the world with whom I really connect”

But slowly, seeding from the beginning, the other becomes less and less mindful and I become less and less considerate.
Now and then we get hurt for sharing! Hurt by indifference: “so what”, hurt by opposition: “what kind of nonsense is that”, hurt by salt in our wounds: “good for you!”

A friend could have said that and it wouldn’t have hurt at all. There would be no twists in talking and thinking.

A significant other does say it and it becomes all drama in both minds.

A friend is not always around. We only get to see the good parts. When we make time for sharing and being together.

That significant other is always around. Sometimes gets on our nerves. We share bad language. We say “I hate you!”

Every time we get hurt, we close a little. Over the years, many ‘littles’ become a lot.

Until we finally stop sharing and are all closed. Then she reproaches that I’m emotionally unavailable. Or she decides that I need more freedom. I was not aware I had no freedom. I was not aware somebody can decide upon the freedom in my head. Are you serious? I cannot laugh it away, it might hurt.

Learning is done by making mistakes and correcting them. The relationship is our mirror, but the mirror image is distorted. Two minds must interpret. Often nobody made a mistake, except the interpreting minds.

Sometimes we do not accept our mistakes. Sometimes we don’t accept the message, but realize its truth. However, the unfairness we store. Selective memory. Until it reaches a threshold.
The backpack becomes too heavy a burden to carry.

Relationships come in many forms. Friendships are the least dangerous, family are the most dangerous. Romantic love seems to start like friendship, and ends as family.

Detachment is not a miracle solution. Some distance is indeed needed, too much distance and nothing is left.

Where is the balance. There are two equilibria to take into account. If both points of equilibrium are too far away from each other, the relationship is over.

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19 thoughts on “insignificant

  1. “Learning is done by making mistakes and correcting them. The relationship is our mirror …”
    I would say this is the essence of successful, long-term unions, in a nutshell. That we recognize and admit our mistakes before the mirror’s projections get so out of hand that we can no longer take back the hurt we have perpetrated.

    I’ve long loved the Miller & Jackson lyric, “Let there be peace on earth; and let it begin with me.” Keeping it in the front of my vision, I continue to strive to be a better person. Keeping it in context to our marriage allows both of us to continue growing together as friends, lovers, compassionate human beings.

    • I have experienced the truth in what you say. I have never seen balance for more than a couple of months in whatever type of past. I think the expectations of romantic love destroy the love. If one doesn’t care for security and balance, one might spend less time together, or just more, riding the wave of love and life, and live that love to the fullest.
      In stead, we go for a secure way of life, and are lived.

  2. “Our interpreting minds”, so true! It seems life is a constant tension between two opposing forces, doesn’t it. Maybe our job is to accept that fact and find peace by interpreting less???

    • Whenever we compare, we are a victim of opposing forces. Whenever we make a decision, the other decision tries to oppose. Clarity might get rid of this. But finding clarity in two minds at the same time is not that easy.

  3. All marriages have their dark valleys of despair I think. But one can wait them out and come closer than before. I am no expert but such has been my experience over 24 years. Dark moods and feeling insignificant must be in the air. I just wrote a post about the onslaught of negative thoughts. Feeling insignificant is one of them. We are all insignificant like you say but it is better to feel some self worth. Feeling insignificant has a friend called all is futile, to be avoided, because it leads one to a very dark place.

    I would say you make significant contributions to the ether of the Internet daily, as well as, and, more importantly, in your personal and teaching life.

    • This too will pass … one way or the other … like the weather, our emotional state is our weather. Some peoples weather has more energy in it, some have less.
      The moods of many sometimes interconnect. It is strange. Perhaps the long distance connector?
      I realize the significance and insignificance at the same time. The mood one is in, changes the perspective.
      Without moods we would not be human.

  4. It is very difficult to find and to keep this balance. Most marriages, I have seen, pull between finding the balance and letting it go. Always seems to be a struggle and, most of the times, the pull apart seem to be winning. Just a notice. This does not have to be the case.
    Scott

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