an end to searching

booksWhen the searcher,
also known as the knower
or as the memorizer,
realizes that the endless search
becomes a hindrance
to further advancement,
the searcher stops searching and seizes to be.
The knower stops acquiring knowledge,
stops the books, gives away many of them and seizes to be,
the memorizer stops memorizing
and even starts cleaning up the memory
of useless knowledge and experiences.

Searching, knowledge, memory and past experience, all increase the “I”, the mind, the identification with mind. Mind can only know but never contain. It projects images of everything, including itself and stores it neatly in a well organised memory. Beautiful concepts, sometimes, but never reality as it is.

That concept that mind has about itself, we identify with it, .. all the time.

A concept. Nothing more. A very subjective concept. Not observed from outside, only experienced from inside, often without even looking at all, seldom acquired through the eye of self-observance..

Only when you realize how much time and effort is wasted by acquiring knowledge and experience, an end is possible. Only when you break down the house of knowledge without replacing it by another house, by something ‘better’, something ‘closer to reality’, … only then time stops.

Time stops and silence comes all by itself;
“I” becomes less important.

Knowledge becomes a tool, not something to be acquired and stored for ever.
Why and How become troublemakers in stead of challenges.
They belong to the realm of “I”, and are a very useful toolkit of engineering, but bring no light to the solution and understanding of what really is: Reality and All.

This realization, that knowledge will never reveal reality, certainly not ultimate reality or truth, leads often to a great depression in the realms of “I”. “I” has identified so much with this knowledge, and now its value is gone.

Artificial diamond is becoming very cheap these days. Perhaps soon to be sold for under 5USD for a stone, who knows. And all who have been greedy for them and attracted to their former value will be stuck with a beautiful stone and a certificate of authenticity. A useless paper, since the artificial is not distinguishable from the natural anymore. Gone is your investment.

Just like that, it feels, my investment in knowledge … completely lost its former value.
Now 11 months ago. What a wasted effort, what a waste of time.

But slowly, over the months, this grief for the past changed into a freedom of past and future. A freedom to venture beyond knowledge and self-conventions, a freedom to just be.

You lost your investment in diamonds, but instead now you feel the abundant awe for dew drops and rainbows, freely available to each and everyone.

To have discovered a daily awe,
independent from thought, interpretation and opinion.
A freedom to look beyond what I thought was all there was.
To now see that the reality of life and beyond
is manifold more than mind could ever behold.

This freedom is the reward for a thought that could have been qualified as agnosticism.
However the general concept of agnosticism is not what I now see in it. To me agnosticism now means freedom from knowledge, freedom from interpretation, past or future, freedom from all convention.
At the same time it also means freedom from All, and freedom in All.
A paradox for those identifying with mind,
an inspiring reality for those living just a little closer to uninterpreted source.


62 thoughts on “an end to searching

    • thank you, Asha.
      I used a lot more words in those days than I do now. 2 Bookshelves have disappeared since then. However, the fresh ideas of 2012 and early 2013 have not evolved much. It is a slow process to go with the flow and beyond understanding, …

  1. “an inspiring reality for those living just a little closer to uninterpreted source” Yes! I just heard something related: “I don’t define love, I let love define me” (Gangaji) Cheers! ☼ tomas ♥

    • these days there are many rainbows – it’s still a little too cold for the dewdrops, but there are many other awesome things around … everything is a miracle …

  2. Hey, I’ve been nonWordPressing a little too long, didn’t realize I wasn’t getting your posts. This is one of the good ones!

    I have a bookshelf. Sometimes I want to remind myself of something I haven’t read in awhile, and I’ll pick the right book (usually) to find it. [& “where” is the content of these books when they aren’t being read?] “Knowledge” is like that. “Knowing” is the recognition that I’m eating Truth at the moment.

    “Knowledge” is also things like useful habits: ‘knowing’ how to ride a bike for example. Never take off on your bike without it; that first time is just too exciting! & sometimes it will be a useful habit (of thought, perhaps?) that blocks the apprehension of a potentially-better understanding.

    Thinking, ‘figuring out’ is the appetizer that makes knowledge taste good. Rebarfing yesterday’s meal, oy vey!

    • Thank you for your inspiring words!!
      Great to see you. Has been quite a while.
      That happens to me a lot, opening a book, and reading what you need to see or what you need to ponder about at that right moment …
      truth is not Truth and knowledge is not Knowledge, thought is not Thought …
      Rebarfing … a word I didn’t hear being used in a long time … brings goats to mind
      and humor 🙂

  3. Lovely piece bert especially….”This freedom is the reward for a thought that could have been qualified as agnosticism.
    However the general concept of agnosticism is not what I now see in it. To me agnosticism now means freedom from knowledge, freedom from interpretation, past or future, freedom from all convention.
    At the same time it also means freedom from All, and freedom in All.
    A paradox for those identifying with mind,
    an inspiring reality for those living just a little closer to uninterpreted source”

    I see a train of thought or mind that’s free from any label tag or category.
    There is a quote from by favourite book “the bible” it goes like this “I am what I am by the grace of God”

    The only substance that defines my apart from mind thought or my needy self purely a product if GRACE

  4. Knowledge sought brings in the mind which is the blocker, whereas realisation, as a result of triggers (catalysts) results from recognition of one or more pieces of the reality and their coming together.

  5. Intriguing post Bert, and an intriguing thread of comments as well… Loved them! I must however say inspiring more thoughts and more thoughts as well as more knowledge well you know! Thanks for sharing. 🙂

  6. I enjoyed your post. I have a book shelf similar. I came to the realization that the search had to end last summer and it hasn’t been easy. I found I was a spiritual seeking addict…because I was (and still am) making the non-searching part of the search….always looking for something on a path to somewhere. Trying to stay with direct experience but the mind wants to participate in that too. 🙂

    • Thank you for your comment. In my personalm case, the searching had already subsided slowly over several years, but found a natural end point after being confronted with a disaster. The conclusion that all metaphysics must in the end be false came as quite a shock.

  7. I fully agree with “Knowledge becomes a tool, not something to be acquired and stored forever.” Very interesting post!
    I believe social media and sharing is a metaphor or an illustration for that: I used to think of my websites as a virtual space “containing” stuff “I know” or some virtual equivalent of my identity. Now I rather see them (or better their social web counterparts I am using more frequently than the fortress-like websites) as an ongoing conversation, a process. “Knowledge” had become very ephemeral and seems to be useful (only) when shared.
    Odd coincidence BTW – I have pondered and blogged about something remotely related earlier today. And I mentioned Goethe’s Faust in a comment – the first thing I saw I when looking at your photo. A pivotal piece of literature – I don’t know how often I read it and how many versions I watched.

    • The purpose of a blog … processing information for yourself and the readers. Many minds can do more than just one.
      I shot part of the bookshelf the way it is right now, a couple of hours ago. That Faust is lying there … he’s been part of me for a long time 🙂

  8. If a tree falls in the forest but the witness(es) has no capacity for perceiving sound, does the tree still make a noise?

    I have always wondered about this question.

      • Hmm, not sure I agree with the physicists. Isn’t sound something that requires a perceiver, like a being with an apparatus attuned to the noise that the falling tree makes ?

        Maybe space/universe is a noisy place but we humans don’t have the hearing apparatus to perceive it, therefore we assume it is a silent place.

        Sorry to digress. This isn’t the point of your post, which I enjoyed very much and intend to read a second time!

        • thank you for digressing and inspiring …

          🙂 … physics – philosophy – spirituality ??

          Some fun …
          I’ve always kept physics as one of those few things that we are sure of up to 5 digits behind the comma. This does not exclude the exception.

          Sound …. is the vibration, the molecules moving tranversal from and to the source according to the frequency of the sound.
          Hearing is the subjective experience of the sound, you need an observer, a self.
          The tree … poor tree, the object. Perhaps he died without a single sound. Perhaps there was an ant who registered the sound by feeling the vibration in its legs. Perhaps the sound will continuously reverberate through space time towards an event horizon. Then it can still be heard Billions of years later.

          • Physics… So much theoretical stuff that is dependent upon mind to conceptualize it in the first place. That conceptualization becomes problematic when we realize it is made in the mind of man, thus making it man-made. It can be full of politics, hidden agendas, etc. I enjoy science , especially physics, but I hold it’s “truth” with reservation. Nonetheless it is a thrilling story that physicist write. And maybe it is true, maybe not.

            • Statistically it holds.
              But whether physics is anywhere close to the real truth? I have not the slightest idea. i just need physics to keep me from free falling now and then.

  9. nicely done. I believe that there should never be an end to searching and I think in that way “I” is too important to stop. Also, I don’t know about you but I think that we all can know true reality if we have the guts.

    • Thank you LaLa,
      there is a place where searching is replaced by awesome discovery. Where we are not the doers anymore, and we only discover what wants to be seen. I becomes a different notion, and during discovery, it is often very faint.

      • I agree that knowledge should result in discovery and that is a wonderful thing, but there is so much to discover, knowing doesn’t mean an end to searching does it? Also, I must correct myself, there are people who can not see true reality. Psychosis would not allow it.

        • Many things cannot be seen through the interpreting mind. Many who suffer from mental illness suffer from the mental chatter, the never ending interpreting, thinking and opinionating mind.
          If you actively search, you will not find reality. You will find what you would like to find. (I’m not talking about physics here) Mind always finds what it likes to find.
          Knowing is limited. It is as limited as your own mind. Knowing and knowledge is based on concepts. A concept is never reality, but a short description of it. Because of the nature of knowledge, you cannot describe the unknown. It is limited.

          • Our minds can’t comprehend everything, I realize that. But it doesn’t mean we should make up a reality if we don’t want to or can not comprehend what the true reality is. All we can do it derive from our own perception and opinion about those things. Knowing I feel is based on facts. If I am just looking at a concept, I wouldn’t call it something that I know. I only know reality by knowing the facts. Other than that, it is only perception. We can’t make up reality just because we don’t understand or know something.

            • If you really stick to the facts, you can really use the mind as a very interesting tool to find out what is true and most of the time what is not true.
              But it is not easy.

              Also, acquired knowledge sits in the way to learn completely new things. If we look at science, it is often the outsiders that move the machine to enhanced knowledge. Blinded by what you think is true, it is very difficult to see another perspective.

            • I know. I am aware of that. I know we can get blinded by what we think is true. I just try not to stay in that. I want to search until I know reality. Not run form it. I have to say that for me it seems to be rather easy to see reality as ugly as it is. It isn’t easy only because of how unpleasant it can be. It does make us want to replace it with a made up reality but for me, it is a scary thing to let my imagination do that to me. I want to know what is real and factual. I want to be open to seeing all sides and coming to a conclusion based on that. If I wanted to choose a perception and call it reality, I would see things a lot different that I do now. I like seeing both the good reality and the bad. Some people who are depressed actually refuse to actually see the good reality because they are afraid to. They are afraid that they will be disappointed. IN those cases, I understand it can be very hard to see anything. I have been there in a big way. Many times we settle for perception just because it is easier.

            • That is true, and it is indeed under our nose. But we have to unlearn thinking conventionally. That unlearning is a path. Perhaps “truth is indeed a pathless land” (Krishnamurti)

            • I have never answered that question. I have never seen true reality. There are 4 possible answers. For the moment I stick to the unfactual faith that it is quite probable for an ultimate true reality to exist. But I realize that I cannot know this with my mind.

            • well you stated that “reality is right under our nose”. Come on, you know it exists. This goes back to the age old question; if a tree falls in the woods and no one is there to hear it, does it make a sound? lol. of course it does. It has to because when you actually see it laying on the ground, you know that something that big falling from that far would have to make some kind of noise. Of course, you probably disagree lol. To not believe it means that you believe that sound is only relative to whether or not we hear it ourselves.

            • I’m sure that if ultimate reality is there, it will be beyond imagination. My mind cannot contain it. So I will need a different ‘eye’ to venture there.

          • I am sorry if I seem like a bitch lol. It is just really a sore spot for me, this concept breeds illusion so badly. I try to be a realist and It isn’t that hard to do.

            • Oh no, i like being challenged. Brings me out of my illusory world.
              If you are a realist, you are often too sceptical to see the subtle sides of truth.

            • I don’t think that makes me too skeptical but if it does, then I would rather be too skeptical than to be living an illusion. I am open to good or bad reality. The thing is, a realist seems to be more negative than one should because a realist does recognize the negative. It may appear that way, but that is another’s perspective.

            • The thing is that even a realist will use knowledge and memory to decide upon truth. Neither of both are reliable. The past cannot discern the unknown. You can experience truth in the present, but anything your mind does to it is a distortion.

            • I disagree. I believe that memory can be distorted. But true knowledge requires fact, and proof of fact. Can we not use our minds to see what a fact is?

            • You cannot rely on your mind alone to do that. The inquisition was a very knowledgeable court, using a well established law and using only reason to do what they did.
              How are you going to decide whether a fact is a fact? With your mind? Circle is round. Mind is only an opinionator. If not, wouldn’t all people be able to discern the same facts from fiction?

            • I don’t know what to tell you. I believe that own minds are pretty awesome things. I just know that I wouldn’t want to be in a place where I couldn’t even trust myself to see a fact when there is one.

            • You will always need the correct eye/ear/nose/touch/telescope/microscope/… and next the correct interpretation of what you see.
              Mind is often incapable of discerning fact from fiction. What are we really sure of?

              Facts in time and place seem easier than facts about feelings and opinions.
              Truth about gravity is easier than truth about love or afterlife. Still before 1500 nobody knew any fact about gravity. To realize something entirely new, one has to stick to the facts, whatever they are, and interpret how correct the ‘facts’ really are, including their tolerance to error. Next one cannot rely on memory or knowledge, since it is something entirely new.
              Wikipedia has a page about ‘facts’
              But the entire subject of epistemology comes to mind.

            • where does this idea that the mind can’t discern fact come from? Also in case of feelings that points to emotion, that is only one part of the brain. The part that equates fact is in another part. Even though people didn’t realize gravity for all that time, it was still a reality. That is what I am trying to say. Even if we do not understand reality, it is there. It was there all of those years when humans and everything else was somehow sticking to the earths surface. Facts feelings and emotions are not at all the same thing. You can not compare them this way. Although obvious facts are easier the unobvious facts are still there. There is an answer to whether or not there is an afterlife, but we don’t get to realize it until we actually die of course.

            • Still I think you are missing some steps.
              What is perception? In what way is perception interpreted before it becomes knowledge?
              Only perception can record facts.
              But they are recorded in memory, part of mind.
              What is recorded is not the fact of the seeing but the interpretation of it by mind.
              How can you be sure that what you have interpreted and recalled is correct?

            • I have stated the definition of perception in my page on controversial topics. I know what it is and it is not the same as knowledge and it doesn’t necessarily interpret knowledge or become knowledge. I don’t think I am missing steps, I think that many people are adding steps and making things become confusing when in reality they really are not. I would suggest that you go to the online dictionary and look up the definitions of these words; perception, reality, opinion, knowledge and fact. Write them down and then compare them.

            • That is very correct. But one has to do it and notice how it works, to find out there is more and subtle and sublime … but in the end, yes, it is all mind. That’s why truth is so tricky.

            • I don’t know how anyone could live with the notion that they can not be sure of anything. That there will never be a truth or a fact. No wonder life has such low value.

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