despair and innocence


in those cries of despair,

no matter what your age,

you can recognize yourself

 as you were

just before

your earliest memory

13 thoughts on “despair and innocence

  1. I love these flowers. Takes me back. Waaay back to when my sister and I would do cartwheels in the yard right after my dad cut the grass. Poor little dead dandelions would end up in our hair or stuck to our sweaty and sticky arms. 🙂

    • I don’t know why, I was an observer, I heard the cry and recognized it as if coming from one of my daughters as an infant. An infant knows not many states and mind and concepts are not there yet. So when I give up, and seeing from the reactions this seems to be valid for many if not most, I go back to that natural state of unhappiness from before when mind, hence memory was developed.

      • Well, you have two daughters I believe and so a laboratory for brain development right there.
        I know there are happy babies and sad ones, but do you think infancy a time of misery? I remember Arthur Deikman talking about the “receptive mode” of being as characteristic of altered states of consciousness. When I was psychotic and regressed, being in the receptive mode was, at times, terrifying but often wondrous as every experience was awe inspiring.

        • Infancy is in the early beginnings a time of love and fear, cosines and feeling alone, hungry/thirsty/dirty or satisfied. Happiness and sadness. A time of black and white being, and a bit later thinking. Pre-conceptual thinking, I suppose, with images and sequences, almost daydream like, perhaps as soon as the age of 3 months.
          With thinking, anger comes and trickery. At a very early age. But then we find it funny.
          Not really misery, unless of course when there is no care or no bonding. But if you do not attend an infant within minutes of calling, the crying becomes desperate.

          Indeed, very liberating states of mind, but not an altered state, an early state and later a hidden state. Hidden because of our identification with thought. Perhaps I felt this childlike state 10 days ago, when thoughts had evaporated and a lot of laughter came upon me. Perhaps baby laughter. Perhaps Despair and this laughter are two states infants feel most often, and perhaps in between there is neutral contentment.

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