I’m cleaning up my office, 25 square meters only – 15 years of junk. So far, no feelings emerged. Not even when looking upon the more than 10 year old correspondence between me and a lawyer concerning a court case from a former employer against me.
I have already sorted something like 600kg of notes, administration, books, courses, equipment, magazines, … and have thrown more than half of it: 1984-1990 university text books on maths, engineering, etcetera; 1985-2000 books on computing; administration older than 10 years; 2 laser printers; 100 kilo of outdated computer spare parts; a printed internet version of the Kamasutra, autobiography of a yogi by Yogananda and The Path by Donald Walters; 3 ikea book shelves named billy; plans drawn by an architect 15 years ago for a building I never started (feels great now not to have invested in this), and lots and lots of other useless things. I’m not a hoarder, I’m just too lazy to clean up once a year.
Today, I’ve been alone, so I’ve had the time to clean up the last shelves. I’ve been postponing to do this, since it contains personal stuff, and I want to sift through it carefully. This takes time. The last two boxes contained my oldest daughter’s drawings from when she went to kindergarten. While I tried to move them to another secure place, the bottom fell out.
A mess of dust and paper, uncontrollable sneezing, nose spray – I’m allergic to house dust – “we have debris!” …. obliging me to try to sort everything, more or less per year. Obliging me to go back to the period 1999-2004.
A time when I played a lot with this happy kid. Painting together and learning how to ride a bike, and enjoying snow, and so on and so on. I think that I miss the 5 year old in the now 14 year old girl. Maybe I feel today as if I would have liked her to never have grown up. 🙂
And I miss the time with simple sorrows, when giving a kiss was the only thing needed to cure a red knee.
But I’m lucky … the youngest is now 5, so all these things are happening again, … right now.