Posted on gaia Apr 24th, 2008
I have been looking for a teacher, i still remember when i started my search, about 5 years ago. Somewhere in april 2003 I got stuck: meditation became frightening on a physical level and i stopped and started to read about it in stead.
What did i know?
One year earlier:
2002: I started meditation, slowly, daily 15 minutes, on what the ortodox church of Greece calls prayer of the heart. Some days I would do this mornings and evenings.
Often life was too busy, and I only made time, twice a week.
2003: I started feeling what some would describe as kundalini experiences, but only very subtle. Sometimes i felt pain from the heart. Not while meditating, but a day, two days, sometimes a week later. I did experiments. Stopped meditation for 3 weeks, and gone was the pain. Restarted meditation: the pain appeared again. I repeated this experiment 3 or 4 times till i finally convinced myself about the source.
But I got very afraid one day when i was driving on the highway and it happened.
Another occurence, suddenly, out of the blue, when i was visiting my father.
I felt very uncomfortable on both occasions, and went to check my heart at a cardiologists. My heart was ok. So I stopped meditation. And I started reading.
psychology: Jung and freud
transpersonal psychology: S. Grof, Tart, Vaughan, Wilber, …
masters: Osho, Yogananda, Merton, John of the Cross, Teresa Avila, Dalai Lama, ..
I took notes, compared, wheighed, went to “contact your self” class, visited temples and churches, talked to lamas, self employed psycho-jargonists, lawyers, ??? , no, definitely not lawyers – my ex and I divorced without needing one.
Beginning of this year I could not find interesting literature anymore. My hunger for information was finally satisfied to a level where any new book tells the same as many others, be it from different angles.
My mind was set to start meditation again.
In this blog i talk about new spiritual experiences, and what happens in my life because of them. I want to keep a record, for my self, and for whoever interested.