Who you think you are, has a profound effect on the way you perceive things, including yourself. This leads to a self amplifying circle, difficult to break.
But breakpoints do come, most often unannounced …
There are times in life that you don’t recognize any more who you are. Times of turmoil, chaos (inside or outside) can have this effect. Little changes can become a last drop. Beautiful changes, like the birth of your child, can be a trigger too.
Those moments of not knowing can be revealing. In such times, we forget to wear our daily masks, and strangely, we become open minded and start seeing things from different angles.
(The opposite reaction, panic, extreme fear and being nailed to the ground are also possible, … cause when we keep our masks too tightly, unfit for the situation we find ourselves in, we drown in that self created narrow perspective of the mask.)
The new and different perspectives are often not welcomed in our brain that contains the old conceptual world. We try to go back to ‘normal’ as soon as possible, forgetting the chaotic situation and its different views. We react to change, or better, mind reacts to change. It is not ‘self’ that has changed, but our image of ‘self’. And we often quickly collect the broken shards of our old mirror and glue them together more or less the same way as it used to be.
And WHAM! gone is the new perspective. There is some doubt about the old mirror not having been completely correct, and we make some minor adjustments, continuing life as usual.
Life as it used to be, means wearing masks, all the time.
For the children, my mask is quite light and sometimes gone, except when I have to ‘correct’ them. Then I become the often narrow minded reprimander. For my father the mask is a thick wall and always there. When I teach at work, and when I am in the teaching, there is no mask. But more often, there is a different kind of communication, trying to convince students to use their head, and then I need a mask.
Even when I am home alone, I wear a minimal mask.
That is the mask that I’m wearing all the time. The acting of ‘me’. I don’t see that minimal mask myself, but it is there, even when I’m home alone. It might not even be minimal.
And that mask is always filtering. It is biased, prejudiced, judgemental, boasting, fashionable, joking, teaching, (you fill this in yourself for your own situation) … but there is always some acting going on.
And the mask(s) I’m wearing have an effect on the things I experience … because I filter information through them.
The invisible mask does the things, and filters according, to how somebody would act, would do or would see, when that somebody would be, the way I think I am. (read this sentence again a couple of times )
A permanent filter
So my sense of self is a filter, invisible to me, but filtering and censoring nevertheless and all of the time. You provide your own coloured opinion about yourself, all of the time.
How do you feel about that?
And which colours is your filter tuned to?